It has been some
time since my last post. I thought that maybe no one would want to hear about
life after prison, that life would be boring and routine. I would love to say that Matt came home, found
a job, started a family and beat the odds to live happily ever after, but life
doesn’t work that way. That’s what I dislike about so many televangelists. They
paint an unreal picture of reality for Christians. Heck, for anybody if you get
right down to it. The only difference Christians have is the hope in an eternal
life with Jesus Christ. I want everyone
to realize that life is tough even in the best of circumstances, so I post
again.
Yes, Matt survived
the seven years in a federal prison. Yes, he has a safe place to stay at home
with his family. Yes, he has a job with all the medical benefits. He has even
begun to get dental work done, a blessing since he didn’t lose any teeth during
his incarceration. But there are still issues, more like an adjustment to real
life. His sobriety came during his jail term. His dad and I had sent him to
many recovery programs, some local and some out of state, but his actual time
to become clean was during his stay in prison.
I’m sure it was not
an easy accomplishment since he has said almost any drug was available in the
Yard. But sobriety does not bring maturity. There was such a span of years from
his dependency to his sobriety that he missed so many years of emotional
development. He had been using some type of drug from the age of 14 and he just
turned 39. I feel like I am teaching life skills to a grown man who thinks he
can handle things on his own, who gets frustrated with the simple things, who
is accustomed to a world of structure when my world is full of constant change with
flexible adjustments. Life is not easy.
When I first
started my blog, I wrote for two reasons:
my sanity and a desire to help others who were in similar
situations. I wanted to inform parents
about what to expect on a first visit to a penitentiary. I wanted to let them
know just what to wear and what to say. I had no one to answer my questions, no
one to confide in, no one to give me suggestions or directions on what to do,
so I wanted to be as transparent as I could about my feeling and my thoughts
about having a child in prison. But God had a different plan for my blog.
Each time I wrote
I could feel the Holy Spirit directing my words. Thoughts would appear at the
strangest times, at 3 in the morning, on a walk with my dog, in my car at rush
hour. I never knew when I would feel a prompting to pen my views on the penal
system or the effects of drug addiction on the family unit. One thing I felt
for certain was that God was directing my brainwaves as I sat at the computer.
What started as a simple How-to Manual for Visiting Prison became an instrument
for sharing God’s glory at one of the darkest times of my life.
So, I am still
writing. I still feel the need to share my feeling from the heart. To those who have dealt with addiction, my
words are too familiar. To those who have never felt the fear and the uncertainty
of the next event in the life of an addict, count your blessings. I’ve learned to embrace the words of the
Serenity Prayer. I have learned to work on the things I can change, like my
attitude and my anger. It’s only through repeated tries and failures that I
have found a way to accept the things I cannot change, and I trust in the Lord
to give me the wisdom to know the difference.
