Chapter 16 The Sentencing

 

    During his time at our house, Matt had met numerous times with his attorney. Considering all the complications from the confession, his lawyer had tried desperately to come up with an adequate defense. What they didn’t know was that Matt had given a lot of details that were incorrect. I don’t know if it was intentional, from the subconscious, or maybe an effect of the anesthesia, but many of the details he described would prove to be untrue.

     Matt had told his attorney, Joe, that he had been forced to rob the pharmacies. He tried to convince Joe that there had been a man he owed money to that had come to the house and physically made him rob the pharmacies. Joe had acquired a private detective who had interviewed Matt and recorded his testimony. He started a search but could find nothing. It was determined that Matt had been lying and simply fabricated the story. Matt swore he was telling the truth, but addicts can be so convincing.

     Whether there really was a man or not, there was a stronger case that Matt had acted alone. He had previously worked at another branch of the pharmacy chain and an employee recognized him. He was even picked out of a group of pictures, a sort of lineup.

     Matt had told his attorney that the gun he had used was a BB gun that looked like an actual pistol. He described how he had come home and threw the gun into the woods surrounding the house. Once again, the detective searched the area with a metal detector but found nothing. Even if the gun had been found to be a toy, it still would be armed robbery. We learned from counsel that even a finger held in a pocket in a way to resemble a gun would still be considered a weapon. There was still a threat because the victims could not know if the firearm was real or not. Matt’s attorney thought the fact it was nor real might lessen his sentence some.

     So, Joe and I combed the area for evidence as well. Several days we searched the wooded area in front and in back of the house and even across the street. We held out hope in finding the toy gun, but we found nothing. We had thoroughly searched the house as well.

     There was no one living in the house after the home invasion and shooting, so the house remained vacant while Matt was in the hospital and then recuperating at our house. We kept the house locked but it was situated in a dark, deserted spot on several acres of property. The house could be seen better from the school parking lot than from the major road in front of the house. Within a week, someone had broken into the house and stolen the refrigerator, stove, microwave, and washer and dryer. In fact, they took anything that was able to be pawned or sold for cash. We assumed it was used for drug money.

      After the robbery we had searched every corner of the house searching for anything valuable that might have been overlooked. Several months after the sentencing and before the house was sold, the missing toy BB gun was found lying on the dining room table. No one could explain the strange reappearance of the weapon.  It would not have changed the charges or the conviction. The only purpose I could make for the gun appearing at that time was that the Lord wanted us to find it. Maybe so that we would know Matt had told some truths. I don’t know why but the gun was there that day.

     Matt was facing a stiff sentence but less time than the possible state charges would bring. It looked to be around 10 to 15 years, possibly twice that amount if convicted on two counts. In the federal system, sentencing is determined in months served, so Matt was looking at 120 to 180 months. Sentencing at the federal level is determined by a set of defined criteria, based on such things as prior criminal charges, severity of the crime, things that factor in to the equation. That is left up to the judge and the attorneys, but the process is pretty well spelled out.

     There are very few exceptions to receiving a lower sentence. However, once again, God provided a way for Matt to have a lesser sentence. It involved a possible disclosure that only Matt knew all the details and he agreed to speak to the FBI. Even his attorney had said there was no way it could happen, but by the grace of God it did.  Five years off his sentence!  Another miracle!

     So Matt was given a sentence that required him to serve 90 months. That day in court will be forever seared in my mind. As a mother I was not sure I could face the drama in the courtroom. I had not even been able to get out of the car that day back in January at the crime scene. How could I face seeing my son in this situation?

     Matt entered the courtroom in the orange jumpsuit bound in shackles and handcuffed. It tore at my mother’s heart like a hot branding iron had been placed on my chest. Tears welled up in my eyes but I was able to keep my composure. All around the country people were praying for Matt, the judge, our family, and all those involved with this case.  I felt every prayer at that moment. I remember the peace I had during the sentencing and afterwards…the Peace that passes all understanding. I actually felt as though the Holy Spirit had His arms around me, drying my tears from the inside and keeping me composed and calm.

     Matt’s two brothers were present that day. Joe had asked that they be there to witness some of the consequences for Matt’s behavior and actions. They had been hurt from all the stealing, arguing, and family drama that comes from dealing with an addict in the family. He wanted them to see the high price that Matt had to pay. It would be several years before his younger brother would even talk to Matt because of all the hurt and anger.

     After the judge read his verdict, he motioned for me to come forward. I was allowed to hug my baby for the first time in over 6 months. It felt good just to touch him and know that he was still living and breathing. It was extremely hard for me to breathe that day. I could only imagine what he was going through.

     Jim was also with us that day.  He was a good family friend who had also been Matt’s Youth Director at church. Jim had been faithful to visit Matt with us so it was no surprise that he agreed to go that day, too. Of all people, Jim knew the true heart of Matt from being with him through the years. He had also been through some rough times with Joe and me as we dealt with the frequent teenage problems. He had served in combat duty in Viet Nam, so I guess he thought our problems were minor in the big scheme of things.

      One year, Matt was scheduled to attend a youth retreat in Florida. Something had come up that made Joe and me question letting Matt attend. He had several friends who he had invited and really needed to be there. So, we agreed to let him go if I went along as well. Matt was not happy but we insisted. There was one minor problem: where would I sleep? Bless their sweet hearts, Jim and his wife let me bunk in their room with them. They shared a bed and I had the other one. With 15 or so teenagers there was not much time for sleeping, so all worked out for the good.

      Our minister was also there as the judge read his decision. We all gathered in the hallway after Matt left. Not much was said, just a few thanks for coming, a prayer and a gracious acknowledgement of the power of the almighty in the final terms of the judgement. His attorney was there to witness the lower sentence and now had to be reminded that he had said “no way.” Joe had just witnessed another of the miracles in Matt’s life. With the federal system time can be shortened for good behavior but never less than 85 % of the sentence. Matt was given credit for his time in Cullman, but he still had about seven years to go. Now began the long process of serving the 99 months.

 

Chapter 15 - Cullman County

 

     Matt was taken to the Jefferson County Jail but only for a short time. By the end of the week, he was processed and sent to the correctional facility in Cullman County. We learned that federal prisoners were not housed with the county prisoners. The feds had a contract to house their prisoners waiting trial so Matt was transported by van to the Cullman County Jail.

     The visiting times were different than Jefferson County, so every Wednesday evening Joe and I made our trip up I65 to visit our son. I usually met Joe in Kimberly and left my car so we could ride together. It was only about 45 minutes but the wait was always a surprise.  Sometimes we got right in and sometimes we waited for an hour or so.

    Matt was in Cullman the first Christmas away from home. We were not allowed to give him any gifts but he did ask the warden for one favor. Matt had been smoking when he left but he could not smoke in jail. He had asked the warden if he could have some cigarettes for Christmas. The warden had agreed on one condition: that Matt provide cigarettes for all the prisoners who were incarcerated on Christmas Day. He was asked to provide 2 cigarettes for each prisoner. So, Joe and I went out and bought 1 carton of Basic Menthol and 2 cartons of Basic regular and delivered them to the jail on Christmas Eve.  That was one happy group of prisoners on that smoky Christmas Day!

     We have learned our share of rules and procedures during this journey. One thing for sure: the rules are always different at each facility. We always expected to wait and always needed to have a picture ID, but other details varied at each location. Some places we had to put money in a machine which went to an account for the prisoner. Some of the machines only took money and some would take a credit card. All of the visitation was behind glass. Some had a phone we both talked into and some just had glass with a speaker. There was always a time limit because so many people had someone to visit. There were usually children around waiting to see their fathers and mothers.

     I knew I had entered a different world when I observed some children at Cullman playing Hide and Seek the best they could. They would hide behind chairs, under tables, and beside Coke machines. The teacher in me would focus on their playful antics and I found myself amused at their creativity. No items were allowed in the back with the prisoners, so we usually came in with only our driver’s licenses. The same was true for the children. No books, or toys, or anything for entertainment.

     As I watched the group of three act out their child’s play, I overheard one child say to the other. “OK, now I’ll be the warden!”  Oh, well! When in Rome do as the Romans do… I realized at that point I was totally submerged in a different culture. They were acting out what they knew.  Sad, but true. But that did not make them any less loved by the one true God.

     Little moments like that have changed my feelings about people and families who struggle with issues related to drug addiction. It is a curse inflicted on all families. It knows no boundaries of race, gender, socioeconomics, faith, education. It’s a monster that can raise its ugly head anytime or anyplace. It can rip families apart and make orphans of the innocent. The only thing I can do to help others, besides pray for them, is to reassure them that there is a purpose in their life. That they are part of the big picture, a victim of an unseen battle for each soul that has nothing to do with what we did or did not do. I can encourage them to trust the Lord in each and every circumstance and be dependent on His grace as they face their earthly struggles. I can reassure them of the hope I have found in Jesus Christ. It will not fix the hurt and the anger or pay for the legal battles, but it will provide a peace in knowing that all things work for the good of those who love the Lord. I can tell them what I have been through and what I continue to face on a daily basis. I can share my struggles and my faith.

Chapter 14 - Mental Health Issues

 

     As the court date drew closer, Matt became more anxious. He still insisted he was not going to Prison. I knew the inevitable but what I didn’t realize was that he meant he would do whatever it took to stay out of prison, even if that meant suicide.

     The court allowed Matt to go to a group meeting like Celebrate Recovery, a Christian based 12 step recovery group.  In fact, they actually encouraged it. We tried to go as a family. We would all listen to the speakers and participate in the worship service, but only Joe and I would attend the small group sessions. Matt called them a “trigger”, which meant that would trigger off his desire to use drugs. So, we would let him refrain from attending and go outside and smoke.  That may have been a mistake, because somehow, Matt still had access to drugs.

    One meeting, I recall, we were just about to leave when Matt remembered he had left something in his room. He wouldn’t say what but he ran inside. For some reason, I believe a prompting of the Holy Spirit, Joe followed him into the house. As Joe passed by his bedroom door, he saw Matt “shooting up” before the meeting. All Hell broke loose, but we went on to the meeting. What else could be done? We needed help now more than ever.

     Parents who have been in this situation can relate. So many thoughts run through the brain. If I tell his probation officer, he will certainly go to jail and it would be my fault.  Why doesn’t the drug tests show up positive? Where is he getting the stuff? Am I not watching closely enough? Help me!  Help Matt!  Just Help!

    Joe and I had a special company trip planned the end of September, so now the case was entering nine months. We debated whether or not to go but the brothers volunteered to keep an eye on Matt.  I remember the event well, because Matt was called for a drug test on the Monday we got back.

    Earlier in the week before the trip, I had received a message from the secretary at school to come straight home after dismissal. Matt’s probation officer was at the house. When I got home, I found Justin in the living room talking to Matt. Evidently Matt had called him expressing his fear of going to prison and Justin was very concerned with Matt’s mental state. He, too, was afraid Matt might harm himself. We both talked him through the episode, but Justin was still concerned. Matt agreed to go to the psychiatrist. Justin did not want us to go on the work trip, but he did understand we had a commitment and agreed on having his brothers watch him closely.

     I should have suspected something since Matt’s color came up that week and again on Monday. Prisoners are given a color and must call in each day to check to see if their color is up. If it is their color, they have to come in for a drug test that day.  Matt’s color came up on Thursday before we left, and again on Monday.

      What I did not know was that Justin had talked to Joe. He felt like Matt was at a serious point where he might take his own life. They both agreed he did not need to be left alone during the day while I worked. He might do something drastic. The only thing that could be done was to bring him in to jail so that he could be put on a suicide watch.

       Joe agreed to bring Matt in before work to have a drug test. From there he would be apprehended and taken to the county jail. Neither Matt nor I knew what was about to happen. So, on that late September morning I would say goodbye to my son, not knowing it would be the last time I would hug him until after his sentencing several months later.