Just like a Carnival Ride

        It is hard to write about visiting anyone in prison and truly express the emotions and feelings that permeate before, during, and after a visit. For those who have never had the opportunity, the experience is much like a day at an amusement park complete with all the stomach turning, gut wrenching, head aching and pleasure filled moments as a trip Six Flags.  Each step is like entering a new carnival ride, uncertain of the feeling it may bring.   The anxiety and worry combine with excitement and expectation to produce a tense, uncertain, yet pleasurable sensation that remains long after the day is done.

         My husband and I start out, now on a Saturday morning, with a long trip before we reach our destination. We are excited, yet a little unsure of what lies ahead. We have on our comfortable shoes for walking the distance and standing in line. We have plenty of money for snacks since we cannot take anything with us into the establishment.

         We meet at the entrance with all the other visitors, most of whom have come early in order to get the most out of the visit. We line up in order of our arrival and sign in time. We are all there for the same reason, identical goals and objectives. We all hope for a good experience, but we know that there may be a sudden change of events that disrupts our journey.

         We wait with anticipation as we begin our first ride of the trip. When my name is called I step forward. My stomach drops. The ride begins. I hold my breath as I walk through the first tunnel. The slightest bit of unnecessary baggage will set off a loud alarm. I hold my breath and pass through in silence. I've made it through the first ride.

         I relax and enjoy a brief moment of relief before the second ride. After a prior bad experience on this ride, I feel a panic attack building. I take some deep breaths and try to convince myself that everything is going to be ok. I feel my breakfast trying to break free from my stomach but I fight it down. I smile at the attendant the whole time, but inside my head is pounding. I watch as the wand circles my thighs and buttocks area. I listen, but this time there is no electronic clicking, no printer typing, and no trace of chemical residue. I have escaped the wrath of the Ion Scanner. My head clears, my stomach settles and I head on to the third ride.

       The third ride is the most enjoyable. With the exception of a few safety issues, (They lock the doors behind you as you move from one area to the next.) this ride is pleasant and fulfilling.  It's a peaceful ride, much like a floating down the Lazy River, no ups and downs just calm, smooth gliding. I get to spend time with my son, get my share of hugs and kisses, and talk about the future and not the past. For a few hours, I get to be a mama who has nothing better to do than love on her first born. This is the time The Lord allows me to remind Matt of his purpose in life, to reassure him that God has a plan for his life, to fill him with hope.

        The last ride is quick and easy. It's a reverse of the first rides, but without the anxiety and worry. With a simple check and a notation of the time of departure, we are ready to head home. Like any day at an amusement park, it is exhausting. The constant tension that comes with uncertainty, takes both a mental and a physical toll by day's end. The best part are the memories that I keep until my next trip.

          Whether it's a trip to prison, dealing with death, disease, divorce, or any problem, we all feel like we are on a carnival ride at times.  We feel tossed and tumbled, confused and disoriented. What we need is the calm and peace of knowing things will work out. The ride is only temporary. What lasts is the peace of knowing that a savior by the name of Jesus Christ controls the ride. He can calm the sea. He can stop the ride. Even better, He can hold our hand all the way to end of the journey! Praise The Lord!