Did I miss the signs?

People often ask me if I had any idea my son was in trouble. Did I see any signs? Did he exhibit any abnormal behavior? What can they do to prevent the same thing happening to their child?

I do not have the answers.  Looking back, I can see actions that might indicate a problem.  He knew not to steal, yet he shoplifted. He began to answer questions with half-truths and outright lies.  He lost interest in his normal activities and began to spend a lot of time with strange new friends. It was hard to tell if he was depressed or just exhibiting normal, irrational teenage behavior. 

After his arrest, the juvenile courts suggested we begin taking him to a child psychologist. We did, but even he did not suspect any abnormal behavior. The psychiatrist never suggested attention-deficit disorder, or mental illness, or possible drug use. We had no clue how severe the problem was until he ran away from home six weeks before his high school graduation.  By that time we had become aware of his habit of smoking pot. 

My son has a very melancholic personality. He is extremely intelligent and very intuitive. I think this may have contributed to a low self-esteem.  He wanted to play school basketball but never made the team. It was after his last try-out that we began to notice a change in behavior and attitude.  Whatever the cause, we were called in for a conference with his teachers because he had such a drop in grades.  He was an honor student, yet he was refusing to turn in assignments.  He was even caught trying to change a grade on the computer.  Tempers escalated at home; and when he would not follow our rules, there was an altercation and he left.  After a week, we found where he was staying and arranged to get him in a drug treatment facility. 

I look back and see all the times God had His hand on my family and me.  Many times God let me know where to look or who to call.  I once found myself right behind my son at an intersection during school hours, so I knew he was skipping school. God knew I needed to know.   He heard the heartfelt cries from a helpless mother and protected her wayward son. Through 4 car wrecks, 7 arrests, at least 5 suicide attempts, and a point blank gunshot wound to the shoulder from an AK47 assault rifle, God was always there providing and protecting.

I look back with amazement at the events of this journey.   Divine intercession is the only reason my son is living today.  I do not believe in coincidences, I believe in God’s purpose.  There is a reason my son’s life was spared.  I think that is why I feel compelled to tell my story. Through all the pain and heartache, I choose to see God’s Glory in each action and incident.  That’s not to say I didn’t lose sleep over it.  If God numbers the hairs on my head, I’m sure He knows the stress has cost me at least a thousand strands.