Regardless of how many times I tried to catch Matt at lying, he always managed to evade getting caught. When he did, somehow, he managed to convince me that I was mistaken or that what I had seen was not really what I had seen. He was a master at manipulation. When I was finally able to read through his schemes, he would manage to get his dad on his side and convince him that it was me, not Matt that was wrong.
I
suspected that he might be skipping school but even if I tried to follow behind
him and check in the school parking lot he always managed to be there when I
checked. It was almost like he had a sixth sense with the ability to read my
plans. I did catch him once which I am certain that the timing was a God thing.
Matt had driven to school. His younger
brother had called me to check him out school because he had a fever. I was on
the way to take his brother to the pediatrician in Pinson, when I met Matt in
his car pulling on to the main road from a side road. He was riding around in
an area nowhere near his high school. I made sure he knew I saw him and this
time I had a witness with me.
It did not matter if I had evidence, once
he was confronted, he always put up a fight. The arguments were senseless,
because Matt’s line of defense soon became a threat to commit suicide. I admit there was a feeling of responsibility
that came with the threats. Maybe he really would do it just to make me feel
bad. After all, he said the most hurtful things to me that I never dreamed he
would say, and he had done things I never thought a child of mine would ever
do. I had raised him in the Church with a respect for the Lord, but all bets
were off now that drugs had entered his body and altered his mind. I didn’t
know what he was capable of doing anymore. This was not the sweet, complacent,
intelligent child I had rocked to sleep on my shoulder even after his feet
would touch the ground as I held him. I thought I had been through the worst
part of his addiction, but I would soon find out he was capable of much, much
more.
When he was living at home, Matt would
sneak out at night. Once he had taken Joe’s company car some place for who
knows what. We heard activity in the
living room, and we got up to see what was happening. Joe confronted Matt about
the car. He asked him if he had taken the car anywhere. Of course, Matt said
no. Joe warned him of the consequences if he was lying. Matt assured us he was
not. Joe then proceeded to go to the car and touch the tail pipe which was hot
to the touch. We knew he was lying and even in the face of the truth he still
denied it. That is the way with an addict.
Matt’s actions often had an effect on his
relationship with his brothers. I remember one argument with Matt when he
threatened to harm himself. My youngest had a very important football game, one
that determined the team position in the state playoffs. Brad was the starting
center and this game meant a lot to him and his team. Since we could not reason
with Matt, Joe and I decided to go on to the game. We had not even made it to halftime
when I saw the school resource officer and a paramedic, I knew scanning the
crowd. They appeared to be looking specifically for someone. I pointed them out
to Joe, but he was too involved in the game at the time. As they continued
their scan and moved closer in our direction, I began to have a strong sense of
dread. I was getting a knot in my stomach. They stopped in front of us and
began their assent to the reserved section where we were seated. Halfway up our eyes met and I knew there was
trouble. Matt had called my grandmother and told her and my mother that he had
a knife and he was going to slit his wrists. Afraid of what he might do, they
had called the police.
Matt had run into the woods behind our
house. Since the sheriff deputies were unsuccessful in locating him, they came
to get Joe and me. I was not only humiliated and embarrassed, I was MAD! How
dare Matt interrupt the most important game of Brad’s season and for us to find
out in such a public place among friends and acquaintances. Since I was on the
City Council and a teacher, most people knew who I was. Now I was having to
walk out of the stadium escorted by the authorities. I was so angry and tired
of the drama that goes with addiction. I started crying simply because of the
frustration. The paramedic suggested that I just stay in the ambulance and wait
it out while Joe went to the house.
Bless his heart. I did and felt better after a few minutes of screaming
and crying.
I know there were multiple arguments led
to multiple confrontations, but some I remember more vividly than others. Once Matt wanted to prove a point to me. What
we had been arguing about I don’t even remember, just what followed. He could
get violent at times, but he never struck me. This time he had broken a lamp and kicked one
of the posts on the steps on the front porch and broken it. In his rage he
decided to call 911 to prove a point. I asked him not to because I feared what
would happen. He hung up before they answered but they were required to call
back. He tried to explain to the dispatcher what had happened by mistake, but
the sheriff deputies showed up anyway. They looked around, saw the broken items
and arrested Matt for domestic violence. He was taken in right from my living
room. I’m sure all the neighbors saw the police cars and Matt leaving in handcuffs.
Arguing with an addict is like
arguing with the devil, DON’T! You won’t win! It is a battle that takes place
in the heavenlies. Matt was not the devil, but he was being tormented by drug
demons. I know firsthand that the battle is not ours, but sometimes it is
difficult being a war casualty. Like it says in Ephesians 6:12,” For our
struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the
authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual
forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”
As a mother
I was able to separate his actions from the person, kind of like hating the sin
but loving the sinner. But the law was not. Actions produce consequences
whether they represent the true self or not. Matt would soon find out just how
those actions and consequences would change his life forever.
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